Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Just a movie


Monday night Heather came by to inquire if I would like to watch Into the Wild. I could feel my anxiety slightly increase at the thought as I have avoided watching this movie for some time. I read the book, or at least all but the last 40 pages (he dies, what else did I need to know?). I actually stopped reading the book because I found the main character’s life so compelling yet disturbing. So I watched the movie and all of the thoughts I had while reading the book resurfaced. I knew this movie or the story would resonate in my mind and I would be compelled to write about it in a blog.

Christopher McCandless story was originally written by John Krakauer as an article which appeared in the magazine Outside. Krakauer went on to expand his article which became the 1996 best selling non-fiction, Into the Wild, which chronicles the 2 years Christopher McCandless spent “tramping” with the ultimate goal of going to the Alaskan wilderness. Christopher’s journey is mostly accounted for by brief encounters with people he met along the way, and some clues he left behind in brief journaling and lists discovered in the bus where he died. Both the movie and book are beautifully put together and both seem interested in telling the story of an idealistic and thoughtful man. I can’t help but to wonder what actually went through this man’s mind, his psyche to compel him to live the life he did. I see something very different in his presentation and story than the many people I have discussed his story. It feels like a sad story and although I can see the romantic component of wanting to turn over all your worldly goods in an effort to be closer to nature, I can’t help but take a more holistic view of this man’s life.

Specifically, Christopher cut his ties not only to the things he “owned” but also his close knit ties to friends and family. This seems very severe especially if his sister’s recollection of their close relationship is accurate. His sister describes a chaotic family life while growing up with reports and allegations of physical and emotional abuse between their parents. Witnessing such encounters can be psychologically stressful to the point some children and adults can suffer from what is known as P0st Traumatic Stress Disorder. It is unsure as to why some people can experience trauma and are able to move forward both psychologically and emotionally without problems and others are not. Or some will function well for some time and then past issues of trauma resurface possibly due to some precipitating event or for an unknown reason. Christopher seemingly was higher functioning to the point he was able to complete a bachelor’s degree from Emory University. What happened to lead him on his quest to go into the Alaskan wild?

I see someone who was in immense pain emotionally. I think the ideas he took with him on his journey were romantic but I find what drove him to what ultimately ended in his death to be sad. At least, it makes me sad even though I am sure he is happy where he is now. My life profession reflects my own need to reach out to others who have no one or feel they have no one. I wonder if this person ever felt someone understood him or if he fathomed the idea someone could.

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Thursday, September 11, 2008

Thank you Mrs. Parker

I received the following e mail a few weeks back from my most amazing friend and neighbor Mrs. Heather Parker.....

Here is an excerpt from Abraham I thought you might like...This has to do with breaking up a relationship:
"There are many relationships that are not appropriate for you to continue, but we would never walk out of a relationship feeling angry, guilty, or defensive. Do the vibrational work, get to feeling good, and then leave. And then what comes next will not be a replay of what you just left."

"I am not responsible for others creations. You must not accept the responsiblitiy for what others are doing in their own life experience. See them as emerging from the lack and know that it is going to be better for them later. And then you will begin to feel better. You may even inspire them in their sleep state to an improved direction. When you think about them, see them as happy. Do not regurgitate in your mind the sad converstations you have had or the parting. Invision them as getting on with their life just as you are getting on with yours. Trust that they have the guidance within them to find their own way. What trips most of you up so often in your wanting to help others is that you believe they need my help because they cannot help themselves. But that belief is detrimental to them because deep down inside, they know that they can do it. And that they are wanting to do it. Begin to say things to your partner such as, 'You are such a fantastic person, and while we haven't connected on as many levels as I would like, I know that there is a perfect partner waiting for you and I am releasing you to that wonderful opportunity. Look for it . I don't want to keep you caged here, captive to something that neither one of us wants. I want to free us both to that which we both are wanting. I am not telling you goodbye forever, I am saying, let this relationship have a new understanding between us, one that is inspired from passionate, positive desire. Not one that is whipped in to place because we are afraid of the possible consequences.'
And then say to that person- 'When I think of you, I will always know that while you are sad now, you are going to be happy later. I'm going to choose to see you as happy, because that is the way I like you best and that is what you prefer too.'"

This may sound tough or cold, but nothing else makes sense.
I just bought this book but have not started reading it yet. Mom was reading it and was reading some of it to me. When she came across this part and read it to me, I thought I should share it with you.

Money, and the Law of Attraction: Learning to Attract Wealth, Health, and Happiness

Are we there yet?

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The summer has ended and for me; it is filled with both bittersweet emotions and memories. I will not say I regret one experience that has occurred although I will admit it has been a long strange trip filled with the excitement and fear often provoked by riding on a rollercoaster. I am curious as to what lies ahead for the fall and how it will impact me. There is ultimately a part of me that would rather stay in this last bit of summer despite the mediocre excitement of this time. I can only imagine the events transpiring over the next few months. I can keep myself up all night with my covers pulled to my chin in fear of what could be. I certainly hope there will be some days of pure enjoyment and hopeful spiritual growth but for now, my mind is focused on the horrors of the unknown. I fear the questioning of “me” that is to come. I know it is there and I know it is necessary but part of me would rather find myself stuck in the humdrum of the past where at least I know what to expect